First
by Luxio Nyx
Summary: "Everybody pushes you to second place and forgets about you. Why should I be any different?" Russia regretted the words the moment they left his lips, watching as hurt joined anger in Canada's face. This wasn't how it was supposed to be... One-Shot


**Hey all! Yeah, I know I have three other fanfics to worry about and I'm really behind schedule on updating them but this plot bunny sort of attacked me after I asked my sister to look up the weather in Moscow and saw that it was raining. Of course, being the amazing Russia fangirl that I am, I immediately thought _Holy crap Russia must be sad!_ And... yeah. Basically this idea popped into my head because I was bored. Anyways, this is my first one-shot and my first fanfic completely devoted to RusCan so... Tell me what you think, okay? I'll take anything, negative or positive!**

"Big brother... where are you? I know you're there..."

Russia groaned and pressed his back against the wall of his closet, his heart slamming against his rib cage like it was fighting to escape his chest... again. His breath hitched as his sister's voice drew closer, his hand instinctively wrapping around the handle of his lead pipe. He wouldn't use it against her, of course, although the idea was becoming more and more tempting the longer she stalked him.

The large country breathed a sigh of relief when he heard his sister's footsteps fade away. Perhaps she would actually give up this time and leave him alone?

A loud buzzing sound suddenly shattered the silence, making Russia jump and bang his head against the ceiling of the closet. The Russian bit back the curses that were trying to escape from his throat and forced himself to listen as the buzzing cut off abruptly and Belarus's voice floated towards him through the door.

"What do you- Katyusha!... No, I'm not following big brother... Of course I'm not lying! Why would you- WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU PUT A TRACKING DEVICE IN MY PHONE? I swear, big sister, if I didn't love you so much, I'd-"

Russia chuckled as his younger sister continued to threaten his big sister Ukraine. Ah Katyusha... bless her, she really did have good timing. Ivan brushed his hand against the pocket of his long ivory coat, his muscles tensing when he felt the box hidden within the folds of the coat. God, he hoped Natalya would leave soon... He didn't want to be late for his date with Matthew... Or was he already late? What time was it anyway?

"...Fine, I'll leave him alone. No, there's no need for you to come to my house and check on me. Yes, Katyusha, I'll come by and visit you tomorrow," Belarus continued sullenly. "Alright, I'll see you then. Yes, sister, I love you.да спаткання." There was silence for a moment before Belarus spoke again, her words spoken with obvious reluctance. "I'm leaving now, Ivan. Sorry to bother you... Have fun on you date, or whatever the hell you have with that Canadian filth..."

Russia chose to ignore the insult to his boyfriend, another sigh of relief breaking through his lips when he heard the girl leave his bedroom with a huff. After a few minutes the Russian slipped out of his closet, his violet eyes sweeping the room warily to make sure that Belarus wasn't lurking in a corner waiting to jump him. It wouldn't be the first time...

The room was empty, and a glance out of the window showed Ivan that Natalya's car was gone as well.

"Слава Богу, " the Russian muttered, his violet eyes flickering down to his wrist to check the time.

10:46 pm.

Russia swore and slammed his palm against his forehead, his eyes squeezed shut in anxiety and irritation. Dammit, he was supposed to have met Canada for dinner nearly six hours ago. Shit. Matthew was going to be so pissed...

As if some higher power wanted desperately to prove him right, Ivan heard his front door slam open, followed quickly by a well-known voice furiously calling his name.

"Ivan!"

Ivan winced at the angry tone of his lover's voice and hastily made his way downstairs, a slightly sheepish smile making its way onto his lips when he caught sight of the angry Canadian.

"Matvey," he greeted with forced cheerfulness. "So nice to see-"

"Don't give me that, Ivan," Canada interrupted, his usually calm face nearly red with anger. "How could you forget our date? Especially this date?"

"I did not forget-"

"You're not even dressed yet!" Matthew growled.

Russia grimaced and glanced down at the rumpled t-shirt that he wore over his favorite pair of white-washed jeans. It was true, he hadn't exactly had time to change into more appropriate clothing after Belarus attacked him in his greenhouse tending the sunflowers...

"Natalya-" Russia tried again, only to be interrupted by a groan from the Canadian opposite him.

"Oh, don't give me that," Canada snapped. "Do you know how many dates you've missed because you were too busy hiding from your sister? I mean, I get it, she's crazy and scares the shit out of everybody, but you're Russia for God's sake! Can't you stand up to her for once?"

"That is easy for you to say, da?" Russia snarled. "You do not have her breaking down your door every week begging you to become one with her! Besides, you never complained when it happened before-."

"I was trying to be nice and understanding!" Matthew yelled, his light purple eyes flashing. "Of course I wasn't going to complain, I didn't want to get into one of these arguments!"

"So why are you complaining now?" Ivan snapped before he could stop himself. No, he told himself frantically. This wasn't how tonight was supposed to be... They both needed to calm down before something happened that they would both regret.

"Because today was our anniversary!" Canada screamed, finally losing what little control he had tried to retain. "Today was special, and you let your little sister ruin it for us because you're too afraid to actually tell her to back off! You were too busy being a coward to even think about me or anyone else! I'm tired of being pushed to second place by your irrational fears!"

"How do you know if they are rational or not?" Russia yelled back, his temper finally flaring. It was too much... the stress of the planned date and Belarus's arrival, and now Matthew yelling at him. He couldn't take it. "Besides, it's not like you aren't used to this sort of thing, da? Everyone pushes you to second place and forgets about you. Why should I be any exception?"

The Russian regretted his words the moment they left his lips, his throat tightening as he watched hurt join anger in Canada's expression. The two countries stared at each other for a long moment, unable to say another word.

Canada's eyes tightened in pain and he turned away, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his black dress pants. "I see," he muttered, his voice catching slightly. "_Bonne nuit_, then, Russia."

"I- no, Matvey, wait-," Russia began, only to have his voice die in his throat when the Canadian walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him. The Russian leaned heavily against the wall behind him, unable to move as he heard the Canadian's Kawasaki Ninja pull away from the house... from him.

Ivan sank to his knees, his shaking hands pressed against his face as he realized what had happened. Dammit, why had he said that to Matthew? He hadn't meant it... he never forgot the Canadian. Ever. He had promised he wouldn't... Surely Canada knew that he hadn't meant anything?

Russia groaned and reached back into his pocket, his chest tightening when he felt the box again.

_This wasn't how it was supposed to happen..._

"Hey, Matt? Mattie? Maaattttiiieee!"

America frowned and continued to bang on his brother's front door, his irritation mounting the longer the Canadian took to answer the damn thing. Geez, what was with Canada? Usually he was always eager to help his brother, the hero, out. Well, except for that one time when Alfred had accidentally walked in on Matthew and that communist bastard doing... something. The American still had a scar on his ankle from where Kumajiro had bitten him after Canada sicked the polar bear on him.

Alfred shuddered at the memories and continued to pound at the door, hoping to God that he wasn't walking in on anything again. The images were still seared into his brain...

The door opened then, much to America's relief. The country beamed down at his younger brother, only to have his smile fade when he saw the bags under Canada's red-rimmed eyes.

"Hey... you okay, Mattie?" Alfred asked warily, his blue eyes narrowing with concern behind Texas. Come to think of it, he had run into rain while he was going through Ottawa, hadn't he? That meant that Canada had been crying, right?

America's brother shrugged listlessly and walked away from the door, barely seeming to notice when Alfred followed and shut the door behind him. America's eyes narrowed when he saw the throw blanket and empty tub of ice cream that had been left on his neat-freak brother's couch and the desolate Kumajiro that huddled in the corner, his black eyes locked uneasily on Canada as the country slumped back onto the cluttered couch. America hesitated for a moment before going to sit beside his brother. He wasn't really good at this comforting thing... England and France were much better at it. Should he call England? No, maybe not. Arthur was still exhausted from the riots in London, and besides, this seemed to be a relationship issue. So, maybe France was the one he should call?

America firmly shook his head at the idea. No way in hell was he letting that pervert anywhere near his brother when Mattie was in this state... the frog would probably try and seduce him or something.

_Wait, frog? God, I'm spending way too much time around Arthur..._

Alfred smiled slightly at the thought, the smile once again slipping from his lips when he caught sight of the devastated expression on Matthew's face. Right, looks like he was on his own for this.

America gently turned Canada to face him, his hands on the Canadian's shoulders.

"Tell me what's going on, Matt," he urged quietly. "Come on, you've gotta tell someone or it'll keep eating you up inside."

Canada stared up at his brother, his lavender eyes filling with tears behind his glasses. The Canadian reluctantly opened his mouth, words immediately spilling out of his lips like they had been dying to get out.

"I s-shouldn't have g-gotten angry with him, b-but it was our anniversary! H-he shouldn't have missed... b-but Belarus can be very s-scary in her states... Should I have been m-more understanding? A-and then we were f-fighting a-and he said... _Oh, mon dieu, c'est de ma faute, n'est ce pas? J'ai tout g__â__cher... Pourquoi ai-je besoin d'__ê__tre aussi d__é__munis? Il est mieux sans moi...Je suis si inutile et invisbile..._"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, Mattie," America interrupted frantically. "You know my French isn't that good." The American paused, his brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of his brother's ramblings. "So... you two had a fight 'cause he missed your anniversary hiding from Belarus? Yeah, I can see where you would get pissed... Arthur nearly killed me when I missed one of our dates a few years back. Still, I mean, you guys can get past this, even if he did miss your anniversary. It's just one, right? You'll have more."

"B-but, Al, h-he was really angry with me," Canada mumbled. "H-he said that I shouldn't be surprised that he forgot me when e-everybody else d-does-"

"He what?" America growled, wondering if he shouldn't just nuke that bastard right now. He only needed to call Obama...

"I-I knew he didn't m-mean it," Matthew assured him hastily. "H-he was angry, and we b-both said things we d-didn't mean. B-but I was s-so angry then... I didn't think straight and I l-left a-and he h-hasn't called a-and it's b-been days and he hasn't c-called me and, Al, w-what if he's still m-mad and doesn't w-want me anymore? I c-can't lose him, Al! I l-love him s-so much, I c-couldn't stand it if h-he forgot me t-too!"

Alfred grimaced at his brother's pain, trying to ignore the guilt he felt over all the times he had neglected Canada. He needed to fix this... not because he liked the fact that his little brother was sleeping with a psychotic communist bastard but because he wanted Mattie to be happy and he was the hero, after all! Heroes made everything alright!

America gently pulled his brother away from the couch and led the Canadian back to his bedroom.

"Come on, Matt, you just need to take a nap and shower and eat something besides ice cream. Have you even gotten any sleep since you left that b-? Okay, never mind that. Just sleep, okay? I'm going to go let my boss know that I'm going to be staying with you for a few days, and then I'm not going to leave your side until you're better, got it?"

Canada nodded feebly, too emotionally exhausted to protest over the 'trouble' that he was causing his brother. America waited until he had seen the Canadian tucked in and guarded by Kumajiro before he left the house, his Blackberry already in his hand as he arranged for the first ticket to Moscow.

Russia opened the door immediately, his hopeful face falling the moment he saw America standing on the other side.

"Oh, it's you," the Russian muttered. After a moment, he added "If you are here to beat me up for hurting Matvey, you may do what you like. I will try not kill you, since I know I deserve it."

"Uh, as tempting as that offer is I'm not here to kick your ass," America muttered, trying not to feel awkward. Had he ever seen Russia this screwed up? The Russian looked nearly as bad as Mattie, although Alfred couldn't help but noticing a few bruises on the country's skin.

"Looks like you've already got your ass kicked by someone," the American observed as he stepped into Russia's house.

Russia chuckled humorlessly and shut the door after America, his hand resting for a moment on the door as if to draw strength from the wood.

"Da," he muttered dryly. "I had to punish myself for what I did... It was all my fault, you know. If I hadn't made Matvey so angry, we wouldn't have fought and I would not have said things that I did not mean. I ruin everything..."

"So I've heard," America muttered. The younger country shifted uncomfortably, wondering how he was supposed to explain things. His eyes locked on several empty vodka bottles that were strewn across the Russian's living room. "You're not drunk, are you?"

"нет," Russia replied, slightly confused. "Why would you ask such a question?"

"Because of the- Okay, never mind." Guess Russians did have a high tolerance for alcohol... Either that or the insane communist wasn't able to tell if he was stoned or not. "Look, this is sort of awkward for me 'cause I hate your guts and all but... I need you to come back with me to see my brother. You two... you guys need to talk it out and make up or whatever."

Russia's eyes widened and he stared at the other country for a long moment before shaking his head.

" нет," he whispered sadly. "I know that M- Canada hates me after what I said to him. He is better off without me."

"What is it with you people and assuming that everyone else is better off without you?" America grumbled. "And how do you know that he hates you?"

The Russian shrugged, his violet eyes sad. "I know I hurt him and made him angry. When he never came back or called I assumed that he must..." The tall country's voice trailed off and his eyes narrowed as he registered America's first question. "Why did you ask that first question?"

"Dude, I can safely say that Mattie doesn't hate you, miracle though that is," America insisted. "Actually, for some insane reason, he's been blaming himself this entire time convinced that you hate him since you never called. He just gave me this whole speech about why you're better off without him, like, ten hours ago."

Russia frowned in confusion. "Why on earth would Matvey think those things? It was my fault, not his..."

"Agh!" Alfred groaned, finally losing his patience. "Will you just get your ass in the car so that I can take you over to Mattie's place? I swear, if I hear that 'It's all my fault' speech again I'm going to shoot someone... probably you, since I still hate your guts."

Ivan nodded and allowed himself to be led out of the house by the American. He paused before getting into America's waiting rental car, a creepily sweet smile flickering across his lips.

"If you are lying to me, I will make you regret it, da~?" he said cheerfully.

America rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to shudder at the thought.

"Damn psycho," he growled. "Don't make me regret this."

Matthew barely moved when he heard his doorbell ring, choosing instead to remain curled onto of his bed, his face pressed against his tear-drenched pillow. The Canadian wasn't really in the mood to see anyone at the moment. Even Kumakichi, or whatever his name was, had left the country alone hours ago during a particularly loud bout of crying. Whoever was at the door could come back later... or never. It didn't really matter to Canada anymore. Everyone could leave him alone and forget him if they wanted to. Well, almost everyone...

The ringing stopped and there was silence. Matthew sighed in relief and rolled over onto his back, his eyes squeezed shut underneath his tear-stained glasses in an effort to hold back the new drops that were already forming behind his eyes. Dammit, why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't he just get over it and move on? He felt like such a teenage girl...

Footsteps sounded in the hall outside his bedroom, causing the Canadian to tense. Someone was in his house? He hadn't even heard the door open... was he being robbed? Canada snorted at the thought. Whoever was stupid enough to rob him would be in for a nice reality check when the country got his hands on him. Canada was so not in the mood to be nice today...

"Matvey?"

Canada's eyes flew open at the sound of that voice. He pulled himself slowly into a sitting position, his eyes going immediately to the door of his bedroom. Russia was out there? How-?

"Matvey?" Russia's voice called again. "Can I... come in?"

"S-sure," Canada mumbled before he could stop himself. The Canadian winced as the door open and Ivan walked in. Crap, what was he thinking? He didn't want Russia seeing him like this...

The Russian paused just inside the doorway, his violet eyes trained on his lover's face. His eyes tightened when he saw the tears that still stuck to Matthew's face and he took a hesitant step forward, his hands clenched at his sides.

"I'm sorry," Ivan muttered. "I hurt you so badly..."

Matthew shook his head, trying to ignore the way his heart throbbed and ached at the sound of the taller country's voice.

"I-it was my fault," he mumbled. "I s-shouldn't have y-yelled at you."

" нет." Russia shook his head firmly. "You were right. I can't let Natalya prevent me from being with you." After a pause, he added "I didn't mean what I said, Matvey. I've never forgotten you."

Canada smiled at that and hesitantly shifted closer to the Russian.

"I know," he murmured. "We were both angry. Besides, it's not like we won't have more anniversaries."

Ivan chuckled and sat beside the Canadian on the bed, his hand coming to rest against Matthew's cheek.

" нет," he murmured. "I don't think we will... at least, not those kinds of anniversaries."

Canada stared at him, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"W-what-?" he began.

Russia dug his hand into his pocket and drew out a small, plain black box, his lips curving into a smile when he saw Canada's mouth fall open in surprise.

"I... wanted to do this on our anniversary," the Russian whispered. "But I suppose now is as good a time as ever."

"Y-you're not-"

"Matvey," Ivan interrupted quietly. "I love you, I always will. You will never be second place for me, always first, da?"

Matthew chuckled and opened his mouth to add something, only to be cut off by the Russian again.

"I want to know if I can be first for you someday," Russia continued. "Matvey... would you... marry me?"

Canada gasped and glanced down at the box, his eyes widening when he saw the gold ring nestled in the black velvet, the many diamonds embedded in its surface glistening in the dim light of the bedroom.

"I-Ivan," Matthew began. "I-"

"Big brother..."

Both countries jumped at the sound of the new voice, their eyes flickering in the direction of the front door.

"I can't believe she followed me here," Russia grumbled.

"M-maybe I should get a new security system," Canada added.

"It wouldn't work, Natalya would just hack it," the Russian sighed.

Canada glanced up at his lover's face, his heart sinking when he saw the fear in Russia's purple eyes. "Do you want to leave?" he asked quietly.

Russia looked down at the Canadian, his eyes narrowing when he saw the disappointment in the smaller country's expression. " нет," he muttered. "It's about time I told Natalya to leave me alone."

Canada's mouth fell open, his eyes widening as the taller country walked out of the room. The Canadian settled back onto the bed, his hands tightening around the ring box that Russia had left on the bed as an argument in Russian erupted outside of his bedroom. He winced when something crashed against the wall, followed by another bout of screaming. A door slammed. Then there was silence.

"Ivan?" Matthew called out cautiously. "Are you alright?"

"Da," the Russian replied wearily. The tall country walked through the door, a fresh bruise on his cheek. Wait a minute...

"How many times did Belarus hit you?" Canada asked warily. "There are tons of bruises all over you."

Russia winced and grinned at him sheepishly.

"We will talk about this another time, da?" he said quickly. The tall country settled back on the bed, his eyes going to the ring that was clutched in Canada's slim hands. "Will you marry me, Matthew Williams?"

Canada smiled at the use of his full name and leaned forward, his lips meeting Russia's halfway.

"_Oui_," he gasped against the Russian's lips.

Russia smiled and wrapped his arms around the Canadian, nearly lifting the smaller country into his lap in his excitement.

"We should celebrate, da~?" he suggested cheerfully, his lips pressing silencing the Canadian before he could speak.

Canada grinned and returned the kiss with that passion that he had inherited from France, his hands moving to the Russian's chest. He pushed his lover away briefly, ignoring the slightly hurt and confused look on the larger country's face.

"Kumakichi!" he yelled.

"Who?" a quiet and disgruntled voice called from just outside the door.

"It's Canada," the Canadian sighed. "Look, I need you to do me a favor, Kumajichou."

"What?" the polar bear asked, his voice slightly suspicious.

"Make sure no one visits me today," Matthew ordered, a smile making its way onto his face when he saw the sly grin on Ivan's lips. "It wouldn't be a very good idea for me to be disturbed today."

"I can beat them with my lead pipe if they interrupt us, da~?" Russia suggested happily.

"Shut up and kiss me," Canada murmured.

The Russian smiled, all to happy to comply.

**Translations:**

(Belorussian) да спаткання- Good-bye

(Russian) Слава Богу- Thank God

(French) Bonne nuit- Good night

(French) Oh, mon dieu, c'est de ma faute, n'est ce pas?- Oh God, it's my fault isn't it?

(French) J'ai tout gâcher- I ruin everything

(French) Pourquoi ai-je besoin d'être aussi démunis?- Why did I have to be so needy?

(French) Il est mieux sans moi- He's better off without me

(French) Je suis si inutile et invisbile- I'm so useless and invisible

(Russian) нет- No


End file.
